I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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