I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
