last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
