She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
im on a boat
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