i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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