woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
