Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
