apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We have started to decorate penises.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
