rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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