you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
