I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
