Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
