What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
