hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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