I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
