I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
