Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
