bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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