when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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