This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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