oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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