So drunk its hurt
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
sex in a hospital.. check
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
