I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
