All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
