And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
