Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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