the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
