Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
