He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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