Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
