If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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