if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
