The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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