y did u give ur computer a hand job?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think your dad took our porno
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
