my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
