I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
