Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry my hands just texted you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
