Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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