halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
