google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
