I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont even know how to be here
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
