I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
