i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
