No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I came so hard my ears popped.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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