Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
