her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
