My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A bitchslap is in order.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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