i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
