where does the pee come out of this thing
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
