We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize