Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
