I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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