mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
