If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
